Thank you for all that you do. I created this website in the hopes that it might be my one chance to catch your attention. I only ask that you spend a few moments reading my thoughts and contemplating my request, and then continue saving the world as the truth and knowledge vigilante that you are.
I took this photo today, March 22nd, to prove that I'm a real person and have acted upon this calling with absolute immediacy.
I woke up this morning from a dream that should change the course of my life. John Oliver was there, and he was my boss. He asked me what I wanted to do for Last Week Tonight, and I told him I could be whatever he needed most - whether that was handling press and reputation management, drafting content for the show, or just prank calling Mike Pence every few hours. We chatted about the foibles of humanity. We shopped for groceries together. It was the happiest I’ve ever been.
This was the second dream I've had about working with John Oliver. Realizing it wasn’t true was the most heartbreaking experience for me since Trump was elected. If by even the slightest chance my subconscious grazes the realm of the prophetic, I needed to try to reach out and tell the world how I feel.
If there’s any shred of a possibility that John Oliver is reading this now, I have this to say: All of the terrible things in the world that keep me awake at night, every douchey comment or self-serving asshole continuously contributing a little more bullshit to the air we breathe, every news story that seems so wildly fictitious that to wrap the sensible mind around it is borderline masochistic, all of it, together, would not be enough to ruin my outlook if every day I fought for Team Oliver. Even if my job is sweeping up the confetti after a visually effective yet environmentally negligent bit, or deep cleaning the mascot heads by hand in an empty room while trying to ignore my irrational fear of mascots, or simply handling every tedious ass-pain tasks associated with bringing Last Week Tonight to the people of the world, it would be the most rewarding job I can imagine.
Here's a picture of me and some lovely ladies marching through Montpelier VT on the anniversary of the first Women's March!
I'm currently in a unique position where I've grown restless in Vermont and I'm ready to start my next adventure. The great part of starting something new is that there are no limitations for what could be... My universe is wide open and I choose to dedicate myself to something truly inspiring. This is my time to not waste time.
Here's a picture of me enjoying the most wonderful place in the world to live... Vermont! The first state to enter the union after the 13 OG colonies.
IT and Digital Assistant
Inspiration Corporation
Sep 2013 to May 2014
Team Leader & Scout Mentor
Girl Scout Council of Vermont
2002 to 2011
Big Sister
Big/Little Student Mentor Program
Feb 2006 to Feb 2008
“If I was hired to work for John Oliver, I would contribute a sizable portion of my paycheck to varying charities each month for the rest of my life.”
Here's a picture of me performing the role of Helena in A Midsummer Night's Dream.
I'm Kylie Halpin. I'm 27 years old. I live in Vermont, drink lots of beer, and watch too much television. I'm a well-adjusted nerd who enjoys the science and the fiction. Although I graduated with a degree in Media and Communications from DePaul University in Chicago, I spent the first two years of college majoring in Political Science at the University of Vermont.
My one experience working in television was as an intern at ABC 7 in Chicago, working on a live news/talk show while I was a student. It was great, and I got to meet Mike Tyson.
Marketing Manager
Stowe Mountain Lodge
Oct. 2016 to Present
Administrative Office Manager
Stowe Mountain Lodge
Dec. 2015 to Oct. 2016
Camp Counselor
Camp Wapanacki
Jun 2004 to Aug 2008
Bartender
Stowe Mountain Lodge
Nov. 2014 to Dec. 2015
Assistant Restaurant Manager
The Essex Resort & Spa
Aug. 2006 to Jan. 2012
Here's a picture of me from an employee Christmas party!
B.A. Communications & Media
DePaul University
Jan 2011 to Jun 2014
Internship - Live Television Production
ABC 7 Chicago WLS
Jan 2013 to Jun 2013
Writing jokes
Making friends with anybody
Teaching things to people
Dancing
Riddles
Noticing spelling errors
Eating. AND drinking.
Getting through airline security quickly
Being nonchalant around children
Throwing righteous parties
Random historical knowledge
Here's a flyer that was posted up all over my workplace around Halloween. My best friend and I got to spend a whole day partying on, and we even got some free beers!
John Oliver, if I did reach you, thank you for caring. Thank you for trying. Thank you for putting into words so many complicated issues and painful subjects to allow more people to engage in the political discourse of an abrasive era. You are the voice of all that is right with humanity.
